867-5309

I couldn't sleep last night. David let me sleep in until nearly 10 AM on Thursday, and it really messed me up. I even went and got a HUGE cup of chamomile tea, and instead of making me sleepy, it just made me kind of confused. I know you might be thinking "What does that have to do with 867-5309?" I'll get to that.

Anyways, I couldn't sleep last night. Between David and the baby being in bed with me, it leaves me about an inch of space. Add a couple cats to that and I'm down to half an inch. Plus between David's snoring and the baby kicking my hips, forget it. So I kicked the cats out. Stinky is a very persistent cat and kept scratching under the door so I let him back in. Then I heard the shower dripping. I tried to ignore it, but it was like Chinese water torture in my bedroom, so I got up and fixed the drip. At this point I was wide awake. I'm reading a pretty good book by Mary Higgins Clark, so I decided to crack that open. But then I couldn't get in a comfortable reading position because I re-injured my old sports injury taking a walk on the Bolin Creek trail. And by sports injury, I mean the time I handed Annabelle her pacifier and twisted the wrong way and threw my back out. By this point, Stinky is wondering what all my tossing and turning is about so he walks up to me and promptly sits on my face. This didn't help my situation at all so I moved him off of me. Then he promptly sat on the baby's face, but I was kind of fading out at the time so it took me a minute to process that he was sitting on her face. Of course I moved him, I didn't want Annabelle to get crazy cat-ass disease. Besides, how would I explain that to her pediatrician if I took her in to get antibiotics for her cat-ass disease? Like if it was something directly related to cat-ass? Obviously she would know that I had allowed cat-ass to come in direct contact with her, for an extended period of time. Then she might call Child Protective Services. I have an extremely intense, irrational fear of Child Protective Services. Almost as strong as my intense, although probably not as irrational, fear of the IRS. I haven't filed my taxes yet, because I figured my returns will be garnished anyways, because I probably owe them $50,000 dollars. I don't know why I think that I owe the IRS $50,000 dollars, though. Just the other day when I went to the bank, something was wrong with their computers and they couldn't find my account. I immediately thought to myself, "Great, the government has found me and they have seized my money and closed my account." In reality, it was just a marginal computer error and they found my account in 15 seconds.

Back to what I was saying though. After all these disruptions, I couldn't sleep and was so frustrated that I just turned off my light and laid there in the dark. Which got me thinking about things I had seen on my Facebook news feed here lately. I've seen a lot of posts about how if you call 919-867-5309, the song will play. I actually met the guy who bought 336-867-5309. And it got me thinking, what would possess somebody to buy this phone number? I mean it's one thing to think "Hey it would be cool if my number was 867-5309." But to actually research this and then bid on it? I've had some pretty crazy, random ideas, but nothing like this.

I have decided that I am going to start dialing 867-5309 from different area codes and ask them the story on how they came to have this phone number. What kind of calls do they get? Has anyone ever called to ask why they have this phone number? How much did they pay for this phone number? I have decided to start with a North Dakota area code. I also really, really want to call it internationally, but I am on my mom's family plan, and I suspect that if I start making international 867-5309 phone calls, I will probably not be on her phone plan anymore. So I will stick to domestic area codes. I considered conducting these interviews and posting this all at once, but I feel like the back story is very important and it would be much better as a running series. So, stay tuned. I don't know if anybody has ever wondered why people buy this number, but if you ever were, sit tight. There's more to come.

DISCLAIMER: Any off color comments made in this blog are no reflection on my mother's parenting. I was raised to be a polite, respectable young lady. We're not sure what happened. Also, nobody needs to go calling her saying I'm going to be making international calls on our family plan. I was raised well enough to respect money, especially when it's my moms, and I certainly wouldn't waste it on something so frivolous.